Mixed Messages
by heggyy
Summary: Lily's thrilled when Professor Slughorn starts giving her private lessons. Quidditch League - Keeper - Chudley Cannons
Written for the Quidditch League, Round 2

Prompt: Relationship between a student and a Potions teacher

Team: Chudley Cannons

Position: Keeper

"This bit is the hardest," Professor Slughorn whispered, gently dropping a pinch of powdered moonstone into the potion. A faint mist of silver floated up, and Lily Evans murmured dreamily.

"This is a very strong potion," Professor Slughorn said, looking up Lily warningly. "Even the steam could have calming effects."

Lily grinned sheepishly, and moved her face out of the direct path of the mist.

"So the Draught of Peace," Slughorn said, moving away from the cauldron to scribble on the blackboard. "What are its ingredients?"

"Powdered moonstone, syrup of hellebore, powdered unicorn horn," Lily chanted back. "Then the potion should be stirred seven times clockwise and seven times anti-clockwise."

Slughorn smiled. "You're picking this up very quickly. Now obviously, this potion is far more advanced than needed at a third year grade, but I do like to push my more advanced students."

Lily tried not to beam with pride.

"Thank you sir. I'm learning a lot from our private lessons."

"Shall we schedule another one for say...Monday evening? You're haven't got Quidditch training or anything?"

Lily shook her head. "Monday evening sounds great."

"I'll see you then."

Lily wanted to dance back to Gryffindor Tower. Professor Slughorn - her potions teacher - had said she was a good at Potions! A more advanced student! And she was having private lessons! When Lily was told she was a witch, she'd never dreamt that she would be top of her class instead she had assumed - as a muggle-born, that she'd be at the bottom, untalented and inferior. Though she needed to be careful. She was already beginning to harbour a reputation as a know-it-all. Having struggled to make friends at primary school; labelled as a 'freak', Lily was desperate to not slip back to the bottom of the social ladder. She didn't have good friends at the moment, always tagging on to other groups. It was hard not to feel lonely as friendships grew tighter and she was pushed further away.

That night - after a long letter to her parents describing that week at Hogwarts, Lily read the latest Potions book she'd borrowed from the library. Advanced Potion Making. It was for NEWT level students, but she found herself enthralled by the recipes and theories. She didn't understand everything, of course, but she could ask Professor Slughorn on Monday. A thrill of excitement shot through her as she imagined what they could be making. Maybe the Draught of Living Death, or the Wiggenweld Potion. Anything was possible.

They didn't have Potions the next day, but they did on Friday, and they were set the simple task of brewing a Shrinking Solution. Since Lily had brewed this before in Potions club, it didn't take her long, and soon she had an ferociously green potion bubbling quietly in her cauldron.

"Excellent as always, Miss Evans," Slughorn said quietly under his breath as he passed. Lily grinned back, her smile not fading for the rest of the lesson. She wished she could write to her parents and tell them about her success. But they didn't really understand. They had Petunia for success - when Lily returned for Christmas and Easter she heard all about her sister's achievements. She was on the swimming team and represented the school at chess and was really good at maths. They always asked her what she was good at, but they didn't know what potions was. They wouldn't understand that she was in Gobstones club. They wanted a daughter they could understand, not one who disappeared for most of the year.

The weekend dragged past irritatingly slowly. Lily spent most of it in the library, reading up on Polyjuice Potions. She went with the rest of her year to the Hufflepuff vs Slytherin Quidditch match, but no one saved her a seat, and she found herself sitting in a crowd of Ravenclaw first years. She returned to the common room before the match had finished, cold and annoyed. Her day could have been better spent in the library.

But Monday evening swung round at last, and Lily was ready and waiting outside the dungeons well before eight o'clock, fidgeting with excitement. Eventually the door was opened, and Slughorn ushered her in.

"I was thinking we could try our hands at concocting the Wit-Sharpening potion. Not that you'll need it," Slughorn said, winking at Lily. "This is a fifth year potion, so don't feel frustrated if you struggle with it."

Lily nodded, her brow furrowed with concentration.

"Do you know the recipe?" Slughorn said curiously. He rarely expected his students to know potions off by heart, but Lily had only surprised him so far.

"Ground scarab beetles, armadillo bile, ginger roots. Add each ingredient then simmer for ten minutes."

Slughorn whistled with astonishment. "Excellent. Do you think you can prepare it alone?"

Lily nodded eagerly, and started to collect the ingredients she needed.

"How's school going?" Slughorn said, as he helped her chop the ginger roots, both hands steady and precise.

"Good. We've had a lot of homework recently." Lily said. "But I'm enjoying all the subjects."

They continued to talk, occasionally interrupted by a quick suggestion or a slight improvement. Lily hardly noticed the time slip by, until Slughorn stepped back to appreciate the dark orange mixture.

"Really, very good," He gushed. "Far better than my fifth year students. You should come and teach them!"

Lily laughed.

"Would you like to try some?" He asked.

She looked up at him.

"Really?"

"Well you did make it."

He offered her a tiny glass, and took one himself. Together they downed the thick liquid. Lily grimaced, but almost immediately she felt her mind sharpening, her ideas and thoughts being re-ordered.

"Obviously taking it too often has negative side effects," Slughorn said. "But the occasional dose doesn't do any harm."

He grinned at Lily. "Does feel nice, doesn't it?"

"Great! I feel so clever."

"You're already pretty amazing, so I'd like to know what you feel like now!" Slughorn joked. "Now, I can't do another private with you for a few weeks. I have an excellent student in the sixth year - Iselda Greenwald - I don't know if you know her, but she's very talented, and I'd like to see what she can do."

Slughorn was clearing away some of the ingredients, and didn't see the anger that flittered across Lily's face.

"But I'm having a party in a few weeks. Just for a few people. To celebrate Christmas and all that. I'd love it if you could come. The others will all be a bit older than you, unfortunately, but I think you could learn a lot."

"It'd be an honour, sir."

"Oh, call me Horace. Whilst we're alone it does feel too formal," Slughorn laughed. "Now run along to bed before I get in trouble for keeping you up."

Lily thanked him before hurrying back to the her dormitory.

 _Horace._ Lily inked it on the inside of Transfiguration textbook. It was such a nice name. It fitted so well in the mouth. _Lily Slughorn_. She wrote it next to it, her quill curling the 'S'. That sounded nice too. The way it rolled off the tongue. Eileen looked over her shoulder, and she quickly slammed the book shut.

"What?" Eileen hissed.

"Doesn't matter," Lily replied. Eileen wouldn't understand. She'd be jealous of all the extra teaching Lily was getting, wouldn't understand what Professor Slughorn and she had. Horace and she had.

Lily bought an expensive new emerald green dress for the party. The shop assistant had complimented her on how good it looked with her hair, and she didn't want to boast, but she thought it did look rather good. Less like a girl, and more like a young woman. She left her striking hair loose, but put on some make-up and wore the necklace she'd been given for her birthday. Lily couldn't help but feel triumphant and superior as she strode through the common room, her peers slouched by the fire doing their homework, her off to a prestigious party.

The party was a small affair - a quiet dinner in Horace's study. Lily quickly sat down next to Horace, angling herself towards him, laughing delicately at his jokes, the first to answer his questions. He introduced her as his youngest genius to one of his students, and Lily shone with pride. Horace had given her a little champagne, reminding her that it was a special occasion, and she was flushed and happy. As they were leaving, she brushed against Horace's shoulder, the velvet soft against her bare skin. Tiny bolts of electricity - far stronger than any magic she had produced - shivered up her arm, her heart pounding in her chest. She glanced up to see if Horace had felt it, but he was saying farewell to another guest.

Although usually quiet and withdrawn, over the next few weeks Lily barely spoke to anyone from her year. They seemed young and immature compared to Horace's wisdom and wit, able to speak only about stupid Quidditch matches and gossip about teachers. Lily contented herself with reading, her all-consuming thirst for knowledge often causing her to forget lunch and dinner. No one really noticed though. Her fellow students either didn't care, or chose to ignore it. No teachers saw her enough to see the shadows under her eyes grow, or the colour fade from her skin. That is, apart from Horace.

"Are you alright Lily?" He asked quietly at the end of one of a third year potion lesson.

Lily nodded. "Just a little tired. I've had a lot of work."

"Don't tire yourself out. You've got ages till the exams. Maybe we should postpone our next lesson…"

"No!" Lily said adamantly. "I'm fine. I'll be there at eight."

When she arrived at the dungeons - fifteen minutes early - the ingredients were already laid out.

"Oh good, you're early," Horace said, bustling out of his store cupboard. Lily felt the tensions release from her chest. It was the first time someone had been pleased about her presence all week. It was a nice feeling.

"I've got all the stuff set up. Amortentia. I presume you know what that is?"

"A love potion. Smells of what the brewer loves most."

"Excellent. Do you want to get started."

He chatted as they started preparing, whistling quietly under his breath. Lily took a deep breath of satisfaction and inched herself closer to him.

They both reached for a silver bladed knife at the same time, and their hands brushed. Whilst Horace's pulled away, Lily's did not. Horace glanced up to see Lily staring at him, her green eyes fixed on his brown ones. His face burned red with embarrassment and he jumped back.

"Oh God. Lily. I'm sorry," he said, horrified. "Maybe I've been sending the wrong messages. These lessons have been purely about teaching you some new things." There was an awkward silence. "I'm your teacher."

Lily nodded, staring at her feet, her face flushed with humiliation.

"Maybe we should stop having these sessions?" Professor Slughorn said uncomfortably.

Lily nodded again, then grabbed her satchel and ran from the dungeons.

She threw herself down on her bed, pulling the curtains shut. There was nobody else in the dormitory and she was free to sob loudly and uncontrollably. The only person who had understood her, who had cared about her. Yet at the same time she felt stupid. How could she have allowed herself to become so infatuated? How could she have misjudged it so much?

She wasn't his favourite anymore. She wasn't anyone's favourite.


End file.
